I just heard the phrase "In the Parenting Weeds" while listening to the Ali on the Run show with Guests Jesse Thomas and Lauren Fleshman (who also have a podcast I adore). They referred to it as this phase of parenting where the neediness is really high and independence of the child really low, and just how overwhelming and stressful it can be. I'm not the type of person to weed my garden, in fact, I find the natural "weediness" more appealing than a perfectly manicured garden with neatly trimmed hedges. Who doesn't love what my sister and I refer to as "frolicking fields?" ... anyway... I'm assuming the term comes from that feeling of weeding the garden and it never ending. The weeds just keep coming back and you can never quite catch up. There's always work to be done and not a moment to rest... Does it sound like parenting right now? Then you are in "the Parenting Weeds"

Two things inspired me to write this tonight:
1. My husband is gone and I'm all caught up on TV (except for the show we are binge watching together and I'm really, really, really upset he's not home to watch with me and trying really hard to not watch without him because then he'll quit watching altogether and it'll be a sad day for me)
2. I feel like I'm ​in this phase, but there's perfectly manicured grass right next to me and didn't realize how nice it looked until I could see it.

I've sort of hinted at it, but I've been hesitant to come right out and say it out of respect for any potential readers that could be struggling trying to conceive.... but this is my blog... these are my feelings... You can never "plan" for another child or guarantee another child... so it's delicate to talk about planning a pregnancy... but this is what my experience is and so my emotions are linked to that. I know there are so many woman who would do anything to be in my (presumed) position; based on my experience I believe if I want another baby I can just decide that's what I want and get to it.... and if I don't I can just decide not to (although, Raea was a 1% baby... ya know.... 99% effective protection... so... I actually feel the opposite of many women... it's never guaranteed that I'm "safe"... which makes intimacy less spontaneous and fun for different reasons).... anyway... My husband and I are not exactly on the same page with this... or maybe we're opened to the same page but he's reading a different section than me... whatever... bad metaphor... we're not totally agreeing but not totally disagreeing either. You understand!

​For the longest time I was 100% sure I'd want another baby and I was mostly sure he'd change his mind or that he wasn't firm enough in his feelings on this topic one way or another so he'd eventually just meet me where I am... but I'm losing ground on this and it's because I've been in the parenting weeds and didn't really know it until I've started to see where the weeds end.... and it kinda looks nice! So I might actually be meeting him where he is instead of the other way around. This has been happening these last few weeks and I'm an emotional mess over it. So... I write.

I can't remember exactly when I signed up for the Erie Marathon, but the reason I did it was because I was 100% sure I wanted (at least) a third child and 100% sure I wanted to run Boston and 0% sure I'd want to run Boston after a third baby and 0% sure I'd want to wait that long to have a third (April 2021+9 months at the earliest? Who can plan for that far away?). So the very sure parts of me had this sense of urgency...  "damn, I should just do this Boston thing so I can at least discuss having another baby"... I'm already not sure I can convince Matt to have another baby, but I didn't want to miss my chance at Boston in the meantime in case he came around to the idea relatively soon. I couldn't put everything on hold... and I felt like putting Boston on hold was going to potentially clog everything else. I didn't want to put myself in another one of these "qualify, get pregnant, then run Boston" situations. If there is a third baby, Boston comes first or not at all... because I've learned after having Maebel, that planning to run a marathon after a baby isn't easy.... especially when you have no idea how your body is going to respond to the pregnancy. It just wasn't something I wanted to do again. I would want to be free of any lingering goals and since OTQ is pretty much out of the question and a non-factor for at least a few years until the window opens, (but likely forever if the standards significantly shift)... that meant Boston was the only major thing on the running checklist that I'm still attached to. If Matt was 100% ready and on board for a 3rd, I'd have to think about the timing more (or less)... because the family is really my top priority... but.... it's just the reality us women face when we are at this age. We are in our Prime for athletics but it's Prime baby making years, too... If the day comes where he says "I'm ready", I know I'm going to look at my running and do whatever I can to achieve whatever I can but ultimately say "it doesn't matter" to any running goals that might be left on the table.... but, #dreammaternity until then! 

...So my response in my head has always been that I would have another baby today. I'd do it now. He just needs to say the word! I grew up in a house where my parents raised 8 kids... so I've seen first hand how stressful it can be on the relationship, but also how if two hardworking people just keep working hard, it is possible. A financial adviser would probably tell me otherwise, but I'm just not willing to sacrifice my heart because the numbers didn't add up. You don't know my hustle!​

Anyway... I'm super sad... and terrified... because just this week I started to feel really, really, really at peace with just two. (Don't @ me. I'm allowed to have feelings!) But at the very exact moment that I'm feeling this overwhelming peace... like... "this could be my forever family".... I felt broken. When I signed up for Erie... Probably, what, 7 weeks ago? (I'm on week 7 of training, I think) I was sure I wanted another baby. Not necessarily sure that that was going to happen but sure I wanted one. It is literally the reason I'm running Erie... just in case! Now... I'm so, painfully conflicted. It started a little when Matt and I went to Colorado. We just talked casually about trips we'd like to do alone again and how we'd do them. He, of course, only referred to our girls... I kept it a bit more open ended... but then it started happening again... especially these past few weeks. First, I put the girls in bunk beds and took down the crib. No crib? No baby. sad but kind of nice! Both girls somewhat know how to clean up their toys, they know how to play relatively nicely together, I don't have to be chasing them around to keep them alive. Part of me did the bunk beds thinking there would be a room freed up for a nursery again, but it kind of backfired....things are getting easier around here! I can picture my life without a baby and without all the baby stuff since the majority of it is gone! Then we went to Storyland and found ourselves in this position where Raea was big enough for rides that Maebel wasn't... next year I thought... and in the moment that I looked forward to next year I also felt this burning sensation... There's a baby in my heart and I'm forgetting about it!  Then it happened again when we were hiking. "In a few years they can hike from the base to the summit instead of taking the tram" I thought... then my heart echoed back "In a few years?"... 

I didn't see this coming. As I'm getting older and my kids are getting older, and the weeds are thinning out... The baby in my heart is starting to fade... and it hurts. It hurts bad. I'm really envious of women who just know they are done... they know they have their forever family and can start to really make plans... Like I've already expressed, you can never know for sure one way or another, but trying to  accept the end of one chapter of your life without ever really realizing it was the ending feels... I don't know........it's....... I don't have words but it's a lot of feelings. I didn't know that was the last time I'd be pregnant and the last time I'd feel little baby kicks.....and I didn't even think about it. I didn't know when I rushed Maebel to stop nursing (at 14 months!) that It'd be my last time... I didn't know to take in the smell of a newborn babys head or the softness of that peach fuzz face (I mean, I kinda knew... but I didn't really know! It creeps up on you!). It's so faint now! I can't even remember the last time I was woken up in the middle of the night! ............... (jk, jk, that was last night... "Mommmmmyyyyy I need to go Potttyyyyyy!.... Had to lighten the mood, but you understand). 

Maybe it's because I'm finally running well, or maybe it's because we're just in such a groove here that these feelings are shifting. Maybe once Boston is over (more presumptions!) I'll feel different... and that baby in my heart will get louder... I just don't know. I'm in this really tumultuous place... because I can picture it both ways.... which sounds easy... but it's not....​ and I think part of that is because I'm standing on the edge of the weeds and the neatly trimmed grass trying to decide where I belong right now.... One thing is for sure... I'm really, really, good at hanging out in the weeds. If there is only one thing in this life I'm confident about it's that I'm a good mom so far... I'm not winning any awards, and I'm not a great wife (laundry is sky high, friends!)... but I'm good at this phase. I'm confident in it... and maybe the rest of parenting (going off to school, riding the bus, homework, hurt feelings, sleep overs, gossip, make up, boyfriends, broken hearts) scares me a little bit...  

I guess I have to face the next phase whether I have another baby or not. Raea is growing up so fast and Maebel is right behind her! ... Can't we just stay here forever? So much uncertainty beyond this point! ..... and I suppose that's why I just keep running... because I'm (almost) certain I can do that. 

Guys! This week was GREAT! In the beginning I felt like this was such a dumb goal. Everyone told me it was a bad idea but everyone also understood my rationale for going for it. After this week, with under a month to go until race day, I feel like I can do it! Part of me keeps saying “it’s just running your easy pace for 26.2, you don’t need to bring the house down” but then I’m reminded of all the times I was unable to even start 26.2 and I’m reminded that there’s no such thing as an easy marathon. This is still going to be hard! BUT I am picking up confidence as I go!

Monday: 6 miles @7:56: I’ve been trying to pull off this double run/spin class in order to do some consecutive aerobic work to get those glycogen stores built and make up for my tiny excuses for long runs and medium long runs at just 5 weeks out. I was running late today. Matt and I planned to pick up the girls and go to the gym but i needed at least 50 minutes to get in 6 miles before spin class. As Matt drove to the gym I realized he could just drop me off 6 miles away as we drove to the gym... it would save me 15-20 minutes of driving through the city. I could get started right away. I finished my 6 miles 3 minutes after spin class started so i booked it in! but it was a sub instructor so the class was dead. Probably the most boring hour of my life! I just kept telling myself that marathons can get boring and I’m getting aerobic training and mental training

Tuesday: OFF
I’m loving Tuesday’s off. The girls don’t have Daycare on Tuesday so when I get out of work I get more time with them. I’ve loved getting out and having a few hours to myself this summer, but of course the extra time with my beauties is great, too! A nice balance! I love their new room and all the work I put into rearranging the house last week that I’m happy to spend more time doing nothing formal and just enjoying our time at home.

Wednesday: 7 miles, 8:05/mi
I got to run with Matt after work since the girls were still in daycare. It was a pretty rough day at summer school and SUPER hot and humid but we had a big sun shower/downpour/thunderstorm come and go mid-run so that helped a lot. Loved the new section of this bike path! If you haven’t noticed, I am a sucker for bike path running! We closed at a good pace. I know I’m “technically” running marathon pace everyday-ish, but it’s not the pace that gives me trouble...

Thursday: stroller run, 6 miles, 8:22/mi
LAST DAY OF SUMMER SCHOOL! Bittersweet as always. I loved the extra money and actually really enjoy the 4 hour day. Most of my students tantrum after lunch so going home immediately following lunch is so nice! After school I had a massage and then packed for the weekend. My parents have a cabin in the white mountains, usually it’s booked on weekends and not weekdays so I just assume I can ask my mom with short notice to go up on Monday but in this case the weekend my sisters planned to go and weekdays my mom was bringing a group from her track team up...at least it was family and not being formally rented so we could maybe still go. My other sister had extra tickets to Storyland that she left there for us. I promised Raea we’d go and now I was like “crap, poor planning, Caitlyn!” I asked my mom and sisters if it was okay if we overlapped. My moms group would take up all the beds so my sisters were the better option. To avoid too much overlapping we chose Thursday to Sunday at the last minute. On our drive up we stopped to get this run in, ate, and then continued our drive arriving at 11pm. MAKE IT WORK!

Friday: OFF/walk all day at Storyland
I had a scheduled cross training day and while I didn’t formally cross train, walking around a theme park all day is no walk in the park! (Ha... wait...that saying is so wrong!) we had a lot of fun! We struggled a little bit because Raea is now big enough to go on less “baby” rides so she’d say she wanted to go on something but chicken out. It was tough because as a parent you need to find balance between pushing your kid to step out of their comfort zone and not pushing too far. We “waisted” a lot of time looking at rides and ultimately deciding not to do them. We went to Daniel tiger and the “episode” was about catering getting the courage to ride a roller coaster. Right when we left the show Raea got the courage to try. I’m not sure she likes it, but she survived! 🤣 Maebel was still too short for most rides, but I’m 100% sure she’s ride them all fearlessly, so next year will be interesting to see how Raea reacts to Maebel stepping up. Kids are resilient!

Saturday: small hike/6 mile run @8:03
I originally thought we could hike the Jewell trail up Mt Washington and take the cog down with the girls... but with a little rain in the forecast we decided against it and instead took the tram up Cannon and hiked the rim and just random trail sections. We thought we could get to lonesome lake but it was cold and wet and more slippery than we liked for the girls... and for us carrying/supporting them! So we gave Raea a good taste of hiking on her own feet and then turned back just before it down-poured. It was freezing up there! Raea got some Hot chocolate for her hard work, Maebel got my long-sleeve

After we ride the tram back down Matt took the girls to echo lake where they actually swam (it’s warmer at the bottom by a lot!) and I did a quick out and back 6 miles on the Franconia bike path. Then, I traded with Matt. He ran a longer point to point to the Flume Gorge where I took the girls. We didn’t hike it because they fell asleep in the car... but the gift shop and theater were enough to keep them happy.... especially since the theater was basically playing scenes from all the things we did that day (tram, rim, echo lake, bike path,) I’m always amazed at how much we fit in and how flexible the girls are. We returned back to the cabin to find Auntie Jane and Emily (Jemily) back from their long hike. They went out for dinner while Matt and I got the girls settled. Once Jemily returned both girls were sleeping and we did the worlds dumbest crossword puzzle. Highly frustrating clues and answers!

Sunday: 14 miles! Pace unknown... 8:00ish? Last mile 6:57 (my watch is dead- it recorded the whole run but died when i saved and i can’t find charger)
Jemily agreed to help us out in the morning so Matt and I could run the long run together. They are the wake up slow/go with the flow type so we got started at around 9:00 and ran the presidential railtrail. It was beautiful! I felt great! Tired but not injured. My foot got a bit sore from shoes being tied too tight, (i keep doing this because my orthotics make it feel like my feet are sliding out of the shoes!) and my hip felt sore later (long ride home) but as a whole... awesome awesome long run and lots of confidence that I can do this now. In exchange for Jemily helping us, we agreed to do all the sheets and clean the cabin so they didn’t have to worry about coming back from their hike to do that. My moms group was arriving later that night, so it needed to be ready! That’s basically all we did. The girls got a walk in the stroller while we were running to collect flowers. They always have fun with Jane! No fun was had on the long ride home... but with one stop for dinner, we survived and got home right before 9pm

Total: 39 miles, plus 1 hr bike, plus 2hr hike
​I slacked on the PT a lot this week having been on the road, but still impressed with how much we accomplished! Big boost of confidence. Mileage is almost in my normal range (mid 40s-mid 50s) and my body isn’t in total rebellion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not ideal to be bumping my long run this quick. I’d love more time to adapt... I just don’t have it... so after this marathon I’m definitely going to drop the long run down and focus on tolerating workouts before I build for Boston. I have one more mini vacation/road trip left for the summer and it’s to the Cape for the Falmouth 7 miler. This is a prestigious race so it pains me to know I won’t be giving it my all there. I’m still not 100% sure what my plan is... I’ll discuss it with my coach in the upcoming days... but, it’s going to be more of a progression run than race... keeping it safe! But really looking forward to that race atmosphere energy that I’ve missed out on so much!

Alright, Alright, so my blogging game isn't as consistent as it should be! BUT! My running is getting better and that's really the objective, right? These last few weeks since our trip to Colorado have FLOWN BY! I quite impulsively decided to re-organize the entire house by switching the girls from two separate rooms into one room. I feel like I got it done really quickly, but not without a bunch of challenges. I'm surprised I fit running in at all... So here's a quick recap of the last two weeks! 

I can not for the life of me remember what I did without looking back at strava and VDOT. It feels like it's been months since I was in Colorado, but I guess it's just been barely two weeks! From where I sit right now, I can't believe how much I worried about this run. I wanted to get 8 miles in. Looking ahead at the Erie Marathon and looking at how I could possibly increase my long run mileage and still keep the rest of the volume down and somehow do that safely... I had to be able to run at least 8 miles on this day. I'd accept a precautionary and slow 7, but I had to do at least an hour of running! As you read last week, Matt and I spent the weekend in Breckinridge Colorado, so driving from there to Boulder on our scenic route to the airport (we had a red eye) we actually lost about 4,000 feet of elevation... so although Boulder is still considered altitude, it didn't really feel like it after all the hiking and biking we did between 9,000ft and 12,000+ ft. I started this run with an untimed walk just to stretch out. I had KT tape on both calves, shins, and on my right adductor. I also had on calf sleeves. My quads were still a bit shredded from the run down the mountain, but once we started running my major concern was my shins and calf. Unfortunately one of the paths Matt wanted to show me was under construction, so we stayed on the less scenic and more commuter-populated path. It didn't bother me... I was just very focused on finding a comfortable rhythm. The first two miles I was fearful, but by mile three I was holding myself back. It was really hot out so when we got to 8 I was happy to be done and to take a quick dip in the river we had been running alongside. Once we were done we had some food, tea and cupcakes and showered at anytime fitness before heading to the airport. I missed my babies! 

Tuesday, July 23: OFF
Well, I was determined to sleep on our Red Eye flight, but Matt sleeps really bad on planes and didn't even try to sleep. He picked a movie and locked in. As a result, I didn't want to sleep either. I started watching some shows as well and just powered through with him. We got home at 6am ish and it was a dark and dreary day. Perfect for sleep! We slept for a few hours before our girls were brought back home to us. It was the quickest I've ever fallen asleep in my life. We were still pretty lethargic for the rest of the day and had to get Maebel's staples out from her knocking the mirror down, and we also needed to pick up the extra set of car seats from my moms house. I don't remember much else. Just that I was tired. 

Wednesday July 24: 4 Miles 8:04/mi, 30 minutes Bike, 30 Minutes strength
We sent the girls to Daycare and spent the whole day recovering from the trip... unpacking... and getting our $hit together. I spent the whole day working on an upcoming project (not hard to guess what it might be if you poke around my website a bit. More coming soon!) and Matt was catching up on all the work he didn't do while we were away. When the time came to pick up the girls we took them to the gym. Raea had been asking to go since I think she sensed she didn't go on her normal day (Mondays). I had been re-reading training books, listening to podcasts, and thinking about my own training for this marathon and I realize that the biggest challenge I have (other than injury) is really just completing the distance, especially since I'm not shooting for a time that is anywhere out of my natural ability, and I'm not able to run a lot. How can I improve my aerobic base without running? How can I get in long runs and medium long runs? If I can't actually run them, can I replicate them? I decided to start doing a run/spin double. Normally I do the one hour Monday night spin but Wednesdays is the same instructor just a combination of running and strength training so I did all three right in a row. I was tired after but feeling really good! I had to modify some of the strength to align with what my PT had given me for information a few weeks prior, but overall I was able to do well. 

Thursday July 25, 5 Miles 8:17. Sneakerama Block Party!
I got to the block party a little early to get two miles in before the group did 3. I started really slow but bumped into someone who pulled me to a faster second mile. After that I settled into a decent pace with Geoffrey Smith, 2x Boston Marathon Winner who frequents the store. Every time he runs at Sneakerama we end up running together. I think he wants me to get fast again and is always checking in. Unfortunately not much positive to report in the grand scheme of big goals but I got some tips. I asked him how long he thought I needed to run in order to safely do Erie. He said "you need to do at least 2 hours but probably 2.5 well... No kidding... ha! So I am now setting my goal to get to 2 hours of running by at least August 23rd. Anything more is Gravy.

Friday July 26: OFF
My husband was gone all day and over night at the Lake Placid Triathlon. Obviously since I didn't have to work all week I had too much creative energy not being zapped by work and had to get into another project. The girls birthday party was a week away so of course I should just re-do all their rooms before everyone comes over. How fast can I do this? I had a planned cross training day but instead of Cross Training I went to the Super Walmart to start shopping for new bedspreads, and many other new things to accommodate my plans for the rooms. Yup. Not very productive on the workout front... but if you've ever been shopping with two kids under 4 who wont sit in the cart, you know can definitely be considered cross training! 

Saturday July 27: OFF
I honestly have no idea what I did this day except for shop on amazon and walmart app and try to get the best prices I possibly could and everything delivered as quickly as I could and mentally plan out how I was going to achieve everything I wanted to by next Friday. I did Move the futon from one room to another and build two of those cubby things by myself when the girls went to bed. That's a workout! 

Sunday July 28: 8 Miles (4 with stroller) 8:30/mi
Took apart a toddler bed in the morning and then started to move everything around in the rooms. I thought the bunk bed would be delivered to Walmart for pick up today, but got a text message that it was delayed until AUGUST 9!! So I called, cancelled it, and had Matt drive half way across the state to get one that was in the stores. I had to empty Maebels closet because I couldn't get the crib out of there until the mattresses and bunk bed were set up on Wednesday... But I wasn't ready to have her out of her crib and sharing the futon with Raea yet. Too many changes!  I basically ran these miles fasted because I was so busy I forgot to eat (that happens to me when I get into these projects) and I wasn't sleeping well because my mind was obsessing over this project. I stopped A BUNCH on this run to check my calves. When I'm on my feet a lot at home I often have my shoes off (doesn't everyone!?) but I'm still really dependent on the orthotics and so after a few days of puttering around with these projects without my orthotics, I was a bit sore and tired and my lower legs had some pain that scared me. Fortunately I survived and my legs seemed to recover quick! 

TOTAL MILEAGE: 25.2 miles
This week basically had two long runs in it because of the Monday and Sunday long runs instead of Sunday to Sunday. As a result I felt like it was important I took extra days off to prepare myself and also recoup from the trip and the lack of sleep. I did some cross training in there and also exerted myself in other ways trying to prepare the new room for the girls. Maybe next week I'll hit a full marathon in one week! (yikes!)

​Monday, July 29: 5 Miles @ 7:59/mi
I went back to work today and then when I got out Matt and I put together the bunk bed. The mattresses weren't scheduled to arrive until Wednesday, but at least having the "hard part" together would make the rest of the work easier. I'm one of those weird people that really enjoys the process of step-by-step assembly. It seemed overwhelming when we first opened the box, but in the end it was really very easy. It was a tight squeeze with the bunk bed and the crib in the same room but I could not take the crib away until I had the mattresses! I had PT at 6:15 and planned to run at the rail trail around the corner before the appointment...but I was running late so I parked in the parking lot and ran from the PT office and timed it so that I had just​ enough time to fit in 5 miles before my PT session. It was hot out... Really hot... I ran 8 miles with the stroller the day before and I had just started session 2 of summer school so I was a bit more tired than usual... which seemed to actually help the PT session. Mike was excited to see how I was progressing and see how I would perform the exercises while fatigued. He was really impressed with most of them. The only exercise I really flopped on was the one that required a mirror. (remember, my mirror shattered over my daughters head because I took it off the wall to do the exercises and then turned my back for half a second and she needed staples) I explained to him what happened. I've been using my phone to view the exercise but it's hard to see and perform really well without a mirror. I told him I didn't buy another one yet because I had bunk beds with no mattresses, and children sleeping on the futon, and all the clothes in boxes and laundry baskets until to closet door could open again... AKA: When I took apart the crib/changing table combo... I couldn't have another mirror in my house until we settled into our new rooms first. He understood. I discussed some of my challenges and some of his concerns... but mostly it was all good. I told him I felt immediate progress within two days of getting the exercises. Dramatic difference. The last time I saw him he strongly advised against Erie Marathon... This time when another PT asked me how I was doing, Mike answered for me and said "she's running a marathon".... so I joked with him saying "you're a believe now, huh?" he pulled back on his enthusiasm a little bit reminding me to not get greedy and change the plan (ugh! SO hard!)... but that it's looking more doable. Then he gave me follow up exercises.

Tuesday, July 30: OFF
I didn't workout today, but did a crazy art project that took a ton of energy. Another non-cross training day that still took a lot out of me! I had a bunch of canvases that I found in my parents barn when we cleaned it out over the summer. They had all sorts of art assignments from my undergrad degree in Painting. It didn't make sense to throw them away when I could just paint over them, but I didn't feel inspired yet. I made a rash decision (that turned out amazing!) to just paint over them with spray paint and then get some cheap acrylics and some painters tape and let the girls help me create a project. I had three different widths of tape and a bunch of colors of paint that matched the foldable bins that went in the little cubbies that I was planning to hide the toys in. It was a really hot day so I figured I could let them paint with their fingers toes and bellies and then they could run around in the sprinkler to clean up. The project came out SO NICE! and I took pictures of them making the canvases to display in the room to tie it all together. It was a lot of work and my husband was overnight in Connecticut so it was something fun for us to do while passing the time. 

Wednesday: July 31: OFF
Another Off day only this one wasn't planned. Today I planned to finally complete the bedroom (minus some small finishing touches).... but more shipping drama slowed me down quite a bit once again. So today I was supposed to get the mattresses and they were supposed to be delivered to Walmart for pick up. When I was leaving work I got a text that said they were delayed until August 7th! Mind you, I have a party planned for the third! and tomorrow is Raea's birthday so I wanted to room totally done for her and only be working on the small details and deep cleaning of the rest of the house. Instead of going straight to Walmart like I planned, I went home to go online and make a phone call or something. I was going to just cancel and buy the more expensive mattresses that were sold in stores. When I called the woman on the phone said that they were at my Walmart and she was 100% sure. She said the delay was for the bed. I told her I already cancelled the bed and that if it wasn't cancelled it needed to be (money wasn't returned because it was 5-10 business days) So she cancelled the bed. I got a notification saying she cancelled it. I go to my Walmart to pick up the mattresses that are 100% there and sure enough they are... but I can't have them because when I cancelled the bed they also cancelled the mattresses instead of individual items So now I couldn't take the mattresses unless I a. Paid for them again (which I couldn't because I needed my money back first!) or b. Waited for customer service to sort this out but the in-store customer service can't override the online... so... wait. wait. wait. In Store was very helpful but I'm still waiting for my money back and half expecting a bed to show up tomorrow. 

Thursday August 1: 6 miles @ 8:10 for the Fun Run
Happy Birthday to Raea! The girls went to School for the day and Matt and I went to work. I worked a little bit more on the house and started buying the food I needed for the party. We went to the fun run for the night. Most people probably would think it's not fair to bring your kid to the fun run on her birthday, but Raea has been going to the fun run to celebrate her birthday since she was born. They had a cake and a snowball fight and everything. I got to get some miles in and the girls got some presents. My phone ran out of battery so no pictures, but it was a lot of fun for them. We went out to eat after with all our favorite fun run people. 

Friday: OFF
I had a scheduled cross training or OFF day and a podiatrist appointment. I was going to switch Wednesday with today but when I looked ahead at my schedule it just didn't make sense to run at all. I'm not trying to OTQ, I'm trying to BQ...and for me the hardest part of that is being healthy enough to complete the distance so opting for an extra day off to ensure I could complete the whole long run was much smarter. I was tired from all the cleaning and again... forgetting I needed to wear shoes at home... and Matt and I were in pretty deep with all the birthday party things we needed to tie together on top of all the bed room things. I basically spent all day labeling cubbies and sorting and cleaning clothes and tidying every last corner of the house. I spent the night painting the finishing touches to their room (a sign for the door and for each of their foot boards) something they could open to represent the bedroom as their gift (most expensive birthday present ever!)

Saturday 6.5 @ 8:27/mi
Today was the party! We spent all morning getting everything ready! It feels like the longest process of getting ready for a party since we added so much to our plates with the two room switches. It was worth it though! Everyone loved the rooms and the kids had a lot of fun showing it off! The weather even held off for the party to be mostly outside and so my house didn't get too messy! We had people over from 1:00-5:30. LONG DAY! When we finally were done we just left the mess and took the girls to the rail trail. Matt and I needed to get out. The girls wanted to stay at home with their presents but I explained to them that Mommy and Daddy worked very hard to make their party fun and special and now it was their turn to let us have something fun and special. I also told them we could have another piece of cake after the run. Not sure which worked better! Matt pushed the stroller the whole way and everyone 

Sunday 11 Miles @ 8:02/mi
Matt got up to meet some people to run at 9:00 and I had the choice of going before him or after...but since we ran at night I wanted to go in the afternoon to make sure I was recovered and not rushing. I got to the trail with the girls at about 11:45 and we swapped. I had lunches made for him and the girls and hydration and sunscreen so they could go to the playground. Then I went on my way to do 10. I got to 5 out very easily but knew there was a bathroom just a little ways up and I had to go. Turns out it's a half mile up so my 10 mile run (which was already a stretch) was now 11 miles. I had no water and no fuel because I always forget that 10 miles is a lot when you haven't done it in a while... and it was noon time during the middle of the summer. Smart. Anyway, it was basically a sufferfest for the next 4-5 miles and every bike that rode by me with water I considered begging for a sip. Just. One. Sip! I had a mile to go and I severely regretted the bathroom stop. Like I could have gone in the woods its not a big deal. Then I got a text to my watch- it was Matt saying the girls were overheating and he was going home. I stopped dead in my tracks to beg him to wait for me! I left my drinks in his car! All I had thought about for the last 30 minutes was the gatorade waiting for me like that scene in 127 hours (okay, exaggerated example, but true!) Thank fully he waited and we went to my moms house after for a quick dip in the pool. I was surprised that my splits weren't effected by the desperation. Maybe I ran faster just trying to get there sooner. I didn't pay that close attention to it. Technically this is my "goal marathon pace" so I can afford to slow down quite a bit, but goal marathon pace is a little strange when you are low-balling your time goal as much as I am. It's not that I'm sandbagging... I'm just too fragile to pursue something that challenges me more than the distance itself at this point in time. We'll see what the next few weeks bring!

TOTAL: 28.7- the first time I've run the marathon distance in a weeks worth of runs! Yikes! A little over a month to go! I wont be tapering really, so that gives me a bit more time to build, but... still... it's so soon!