BQ or ...... move on (Erie Marathon, Week 2)

I can't make up my mind how I want to approach the Erie Marathon because I'm just entirely unsure if I'll be able to do it. I've had a few people Message me on instagram or ask me in a comment why I am rushing the process.... believe me, I ask myself this all the time... But when you are a woman trying to balance family goals with the running goals (especially when it comes to the Boston Marathon) ... you just have to follow what feels right. I have two kids and I'm blessed to have them. I have no desire to be pregnant again... at least right now.... (still recovering from Maebel) but I am also feeling my heart break a little as my youngest tells me she needs the potty. I know.... Huge milestone for people, but to me having both kids out of diapers means I don't have a baby anymore. It's the first real feeling of your baby being independent... and I'm not ready! .... I don't know, this is probably the start of a separate post, but I guess the point is this: When I am making bad decisions about my running, it's because I'm putting it second fiddle to other goals or ideals or hopes and dreams that I have. In this case it isn't necessarily growing my family, but it's to keep the door open for that... Boston 2021 is very far away! I just can't commit to something that far away, so I'd love to get my first Boston under my belt so I can have more flexibility when it comes to everything else (not just family planning...."planning".... because, you can't really plan these things) . I know I don't need to explain myself, but I guess it's sort of a disclaimer. I do not recommend the process that I am doing when coming back from injury. I do not recommend having a race on the schedule... but it's there, I'm registered, so until further notice I'm still planning to do it... but maybe I wont go all in... "BQ or BUST" because.... if training indicates it's highly unlikely, I'll move on. Not sure what Ill move on to! Hopefully we wont need to find out! I’m just way too smart of a runner to be that stubborn and ignorant to the risks I’m taking. Here's where this week brought me.

Monday: 1 hour spin, PT, Glute activation
I did my usual Monday spin class. I struggled a lot with this a lot. Last week I was able to easily stay above 200 watts, but I couldn't even come close to that this time. I polled instagram asking if it had anything to do with a small adjustment of my seat and most said yes. I had a lot of people direct message me about it. I learned a lot! I'm going to try to pay more specific attention to the exact seat position this time. I'm back at work, back on the concrete floor, back expending energy that I didn't have to last week... so it very well could have been that, too. All in all though, a good workout and a decent first day of summer school....not perfect, but.... decent.

Tuesday: OFF (PT)
Tuesday was totally off and I totally enjoyed that. I'm still trying to be careful with how I balance the PT and increase in mileage... and I think I need to always be that way. I'm really going to have to be this careful for the rest of my life I think. It sucks, but I can't just causally run 3 miles anymore. Every run I do forever needs to be a little more intentional than I needed to be prior to having Maebel. Who knows, perhaps in the future this will be better, but this is how it is for me now. If you are able to just go out an run without having to foam roll or ice, or stretch, I envy you....but I just can't do that anymore, unfortunately. These two days off from running were necessary. 

Wednesday: 5 mile railtrail run 8:30 range.
I really enjoyed this run. I felt really good. I thought on this run a lot about how good my hip felt. For the first time in a long time I really didn't have to think about my hip. Of course I still did, but instead of the usual thoughts... about how it's still in pain, should I keep going or should I stop, is it getting worse...? .... my thoughts were "wow, my hip feels good!" "Is this really getting better?" "man, PT is working"... It was nice to have some positive thoughts for once! It was a little hot since I had to run in the middle of the day, but the rail trail keeps things pretty cool since it's completely shaded. I bumped into my friend Cat after the run and walked about a mile with her and her new dog which was a good way to cool down. The plus to summer school is that I can keep my kids in daycare until 4:30 but I’m out at 12:30, so for the first time in a really long time I have a bit of “free time”... hell, i might even take a nap!

Thursday: 35 minutes Bike, lift, PT
It was really hot and sticky today. I noticed my calves a little sore waking up this morning so I decided to bike. They are a different sore that’d I’d normally run through, but taking my PTs warning very serious and increasing as easy as humanly possible (with a marathon less than 10 weeks away- no big deal!) I hope I turn a corner with the calf pain soon. I know that the reason they are sore is because I am doing the calf raises and running and according to the PT my calves still aren't strong enough to really be running at all... so, none of this is a surprise to me. I'm just trying to keep myself out of the hole until the PT catches up to the training... but realistically that's not how it works. I had done so many calf raises it was really disappointing to find out that I was not doing them correctly. I"m pretty good about making sure I do things right... but part of the reason I needed the orthotics is because my big toe was all locked up and as a result I couldn't get those calf raises done without slightly rolling to the outside of my foot... so... not engaging the whole calf.... ugh... now I'm using the whole calf but trying to catch up! So much over thinking!

Friday: Easy 5.5ish from home. 500ish ft gain

I'm not one to really stress or complain about hills in general (It's F'ING hilly where I live, so if I'm complaining it's because It's bad!)... but when your calf is your issue, the elevation is important to notice. I've been running a lot on the soft, flat, rail trails... so this was my first day running from my house where it's really hilly. My calves seemed fine, and it was really nice out. I almost kept going to do a 7 mile loop, but I reminded myself that I have to stay injury free and be especially cautious in the first 4 weeks when I'm adjusting to the rehab... so I turned around and did the (yawn) same out and back I've done a million times... but, the sun began to come down lower and on my way back, it was really pretty out... and I appreciated turning around to get to see the sun at the top of the hill (one of the many!)... at the end of the day I do this to see the world... even if it’s the same place, everything looks new in different light!

Saturday: Easy 5 (half with the stroller)
My husband and I learned about another balloon festival right near our house (well, an hour away, but thats not very far for us) so we packed the girls in the car and drove to Northampton (NOHO) to run. Theres a really great bike path out there. Usually we run from the Easthampton side since my brother lives there, but he's coaching Climbing Nationals (or something) so he's not around... so we went to park on the NOHO side so we could see more of the trail. We started where I usually have to turn around. It was beautiful out. I felt pretty good, but unfortunately when I finished running I noticed some stabbing shin pain when i ran my hands over my legs. ugh. I know this is because my calves are still too weak to properly support the tibia. It's discouraging, but not surprising... In my head I hoped the orthotics would be some sort of miracle workers, and while they've helped a lot, I'm just simply still too weak. Ugh. I'm hoping this will get better quick. It didn't hurt to run and barely hurt walking but I'm trying to not ignore anything, especially in these early stages. I hope I turn a corner quickly (give me a dollar for every time I say that!). I went from doing 2 calf raises to already being able to tolerate 10x2 in one week. I need to get to 30 to feel like I'm "rehabbed" and can tolerate typical increases. In the meantime, I'll just keep following around balloon festivals with my family.
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Sunday: Pool walk/Run, calf raises
What was supposed to be a 7-9 mile day ended up nothing. I am playing it safe and if I don't get to Erie I don't get to Erie. I'll be bummed. I spent a lot of this day questioning if I just scratch it completely... but I just can't. Instead I have to focus on the next step, the next workout, the next day... and see where I get. Right now I need to put my primary focus on the PT. I also have decided I'm going to run on soft terrain as much as possible and get back in a bulkier shoe to absorb shock for my shins (when you have weak calves your shin bone doesn't get as much support so it absorbs more shock). I took my girls in the pool at my parents house and did a light whirlpool running. Low impact but still giving me a chance to use my calves so that they can start to adapt to these stresses. I feel like I"m really close to being done with all these injuries, if I wasn't trying to multitask, I'd be back much sooner... but.... I just can't make the best choice for my running right now, I've been doing what I thought was smart but was actually dumber than what I’m doing right now, for the past two years and I almost made it..... so now I just need to get a tiny bit further with more information

Overall a pretty good week, but disappointing reality check. Not good progress for Erie, but I'm making progress overall. I'm just going to keep going on this BQ path until I can't anymore... I’m still just grateful for the hope and the light and the teeny tiny progress that gives me breath. Next week will be really light and then I’ll be in Colorado getting some runs in with my husband! Onward.