I fell behind with the blogposts, but a recent jump from my instagram traffic has me feeling like I should probably finish telling the story... So although it's May 16th, I'm going to go back to where I left off, March 28, and retell the story so that it's all in one place. I'll retell it all the best I can but spoiler alert: I'm in a really good place right now so it might be hard to dig deep and remember exactly how I was feeling at the time.
Monday March 28: CrossFit
Went to CrossFit today. I've been keeping an eye on what the class is going to be like and intentionally picking ones that will be good for running. Not really looking to do any handstands or wall walks at the moment, but this was a good class. Lots of squats, and burpees. I haven't been doing speed workouts for obvious reasons, to these AMRAP or METCON style are fun because I get to push myself.
Tuesday March 29- 5 Miles 12:21/mi
After a couple days of giving my shins a chance to chill out, I was happy with how this run went. I hit up all different terrain (trail, track and road) and got a little bit of hills in there but ended up mostly walking the hills. I tried the 5 minutes on and 2 minute off method that I was pretty sure I'd need to use for the marathon but I haven't fully figured out my strategy at this point. I'm mostly just hoping I make it to the starting line.
Wednesday March 30th- OFF
Happy Birthday to Matt! He's officially a masters runner! His marathon is going to be just a few weeks after mine so now that I'm "training" (or whatever you call what I'm doing) we have to plan our schedules out a bit better. We got some pizza for dinner and the girls opened gifts.
Thursday March 31-2.39 Miles of Trails 15:46
Well this wasn't great. This is where things got really hairy for me. I went for a run on the trails behind Treehouse Brewing Company. Matt was there with the girls doing some work so I was going to do a run and then take the girls so he could go do something. I ended up mostly walking. I called Matt after a very short amount of running and let him know something weird was happening with my calf. It wasn't what normally happens, maybe more of a cramp or something with the other muscles completely different spot from usual. I was able to walk it off a bit... and then somehow run a bit more... But after some contemplation I just walked the rest of the way. Boston is too close to F this up over something stupid... My fear though was that this happened while I was running uphill and Boston is really hilly.... So... am I doomed? Do I just need to walk all the hills completely? My mind was spinning and I was pretty pissed. I hate myself for signing up for Boston at this point because the pressure I was feeling to not screw it up was significant. Yes I also posted all over social media that I was doing it. It wasn't for Social Media though, it was for me. I was really forcing myself to do this because I just *knew* how terrible I'd feel if I didn't try.... but the fear of screwing it up before I even got a chance really gripped me after this run.
Friday and Saturday- OFF
There was just no way I could run on these days. I was too terrified. I have had so many things go wrong in the last few weeks leading up to so many marathons that I was feeling all that PTSD.... Embarrassingly over running. I'm still coming to terms with this diagnosis... theres not doubt it's what I have but it just feels weird when theres so much shit going on in the world right now... but what can ya do.
Sunday- 4.23 miles easy 13:55/mi
I did not want to do this. But I have to do something. I did 5 minute run 2 minute walk again. Terrified the whole way. Stressed the whole way. Wanting it to be over the whole way. I starved myself all morning because I'm trying to check the boxes of all the things in my control leading up to the marathon, and I wanted to try out fuel on an empty stomach. I've never had my stomach blow up in my life... but it's been a while since I downed a gel so wanted to at least.... check.... (especially since I'm going to be consuming 20 of them).... There were also hills. Other than on the trails I haven't done really any hills and so If they were on my run portion I ran them and if they were on my walk portion I walked them. With about a half mile to go I got that cramp thing again. I stopped immediately and was able to walk it off. It oddly went away.... but I'm freaking out because this was 4 of the slowest miles ever. I really wanted to break 6 hours at Boston but that would need to be 13:45 pace and I couldn't even do that for 4... So.... My goals keep getting worse and worse. At this point I"m assuming this cramp thing will continue to happen and that I may very well be walking the whole damn thing. How am I even going to get the courage to run at all?? .... I keep reminding myself that this isn't all about Boston. This is about my legs getting better... and McGinley told me it might bee like "bumping a funny bone" sometimes... so Is that what is happening? I just don't know. Part of me is comforted by the fact that he mentioned this... but part of me just never wants to run again. PTSD Raging.
All in all not the best week. I wish the stupid race was just now so I could get it over with. It seems like nothing good can come from running so better to just... not run.
Welcome to my blog! I've been blogging for a long time on various platforms. My intention has never been to reach the masses, but rather to give myself a chance to reflect and journal. I feel it at least challenges me to be somewhat coherent, however you can expect ramblings and grammatical incorrectness here!
I've recently been diagnosed with CECS and fPAES and had it treated with BOTOX of all things... So I suspect to see more and more people looking for answers with that in the future and hope to continue blogging so there will be easy to access follow-ups as that was helpful for me.
NOTE: Apologies that some of the pictures incorrectly load sometimes. I try to keep up with the glitches, but can't always! Hope it doesn't impact the blog experience for all the PAES visitors.