Road to Nowhere

 I'm trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I'm just not a marathoner... or maybe I just keep rushing the process repeatedly because I'm always up against a deadline that is fastly approaching.... maybe I pick fastly approaching deadlines because I don't have the attention span to make a goal that is far away.... I don't know... What I do know is that I've had the same calf injury derail or change my marathon plans for 3 different marathons... now 4.... and I'd be a fool to pretend that this time is different and it will somehow, miraculously, yield a different result simply because it's Boston.

After having Raea I had a beautiful build-up to the Vermont City Marathon (VCM) which was just shy of 10 months postpartum and the build up followed a 22 month hiatus from running due to knee injury, knee surgery, and pregnancy. Other than a small set back in February, everything went perfect, only to have it taken away in the last 10 days due to a calf pull that is basically identical to the one I'm dealing with now. I wasn't as familiar with the injury as I am now so I made a lot of bad choices. I tried to test it out and run way too many times on it for starters, every single time I ran on it I was catapulted back to the state of the original injury thus prolonging the time off from training all together. I signed up for a marathon that took place a month after Vermont thinking that I'd have enough time to recover and run a BQ there (because I thought a BQ was easy for me, I now know better than to use the word easy in relationship to anything marathon related ever again) but the only way I knew to trust the calf was to give it a solid 3 weeks of no running. I toed the line at the Great Cranberry Island (GCI) marathon without having run for an entire month (with the exception of the mile here or mile there that I foolishly attempted in that first week). This was not a good idea.

 I set strict drop-out criteria for myself so I wouldn't cause more damage... The moment I was sure I couldn't BQ I would drop out. This was a last chance for Boston 2017 and all my family plans were centered around Boston 2017... so I really wanted that BQ. I should have dropped out at mile 6, the first sign of trouble, but I persevered until 18 when I knew with absolute certainty I wouldn't make it to Boston. I had to stop and walk. To my surprise it wasn't the calf that caused me to stop, but rather my IT band. Cross training can keep you fit, but it can not keep you prepared for the amount of impact you will endure across 26.2 miles. Vermont was flat, I trained for flat. Great Cranberry Island was not and I was still recovering from a knee surgery... It wasn't happening. ​

I'm looking at a very similar timeline right now. Here is a side-by-side comparison (although if you are reading it on a phone, which you most likely are, you wont get the full effects of the side by side! , sorry!)

Spring 2015
​Calf Injury:
1 Week, 3 days from VCM
5 Weeks from GCI

Calf Test (Fail) 
3 days before VCM​
4 weeks out from GCI

Cross Training 4 weeks

Run GCI (Drop Out)

Spring 2018
​Calf Injury:
5 weeks out from Boston


Calf Test (fail) 
​4 weeks out from Boston

​
*Cross Training 4 weeks

*Run Boston (Result Unknown... but if History repeats itself.......)

Why am I even considering Boston? I know the result... I know this isn't going to go well. I thought last week that stopping at the earliest sign of trouble would make a difference, but obviously it doesn't. I've said from the very beginning that I was willing to sacrifice Boston for the bigger picture... am I? ​

From the very beginning all signs were not lining up for Boston, but it was worth a try since I was registered and... It's Boston​... I still had plenty of time... At this point, however, all signs lead me back to where it all began: Vermont City. As I was writing this I stood up to help my daughter with something and a magazine fell off the table and this is what I saw: 

Boston will have to wait, I've got bigger goals. I'm going to see if I can get as close to Sub3 as possible in Vermont and get as fit and strong as possible for the races after. I'm all in and throwing all I have at this. Now my Boston goal is to run with the elite women for my first Boston ever (which probably wont be the greatest experience, because I'll be in no mans land and the crowd will be thinner... but it would be ironic) 

I've taken the instagram app off my phone because I need some time to process this. I'm not sure when I'll be back on- maybe tomorrow, maybe next week- Maybe after Boston... Maybe once I'm up and running again because then I can at least have a more positive outlook and not be as affected by the Boston posts.... maybe by the end of the night because I've been so transparent this whole time it feels weird to put up walls... But I needed a second to gather my thoughts on this without the influx of positive messages and well wishes and people saying "you can do it" when I'm now realizing it's just not what I want.  So, in the meantime,  I will keep blogging so if you are not subscribed, you should do that!

Some other Boston and Vermont related posts in case you missed them: Spoiler Alert, they all somehow have a calf injury mentioned in them. Not sure how....