Third Trimester: Fit Pregnancy

My desire to track fitness during pregnancy has dwindled along with my motivation to be fit. I'm currently 39 weeks pregnant and impatiently waiting for this baby to arrive! I've continued my Peloton streak minus one day (The Boston Marathon) and the amount of meditation I've done or amount of meditation I've turned on and fallen asleep to has DRAMATICALLY increased in the last week or two. That's okay! You'd be surprised how annoying it is to just hit start on these 10 minute things... but how good it is for continuing to be consistent with hopes it carries over postpartum. Once again, the vast majority of blog followers are PAES people, so I'll briefly touch on the pregnancy and focus more on how my legs have been. 

Week 28:
This week was Easter Sunday. We had a growth scan and baby is measuring ahead which was a big relief since I've been worried about IUGR the entire pregnancy due to a slightly low PAPP-A (which the doctor said wasn't low but google said was... my habit of googling for PAES definitely carried over into pregnancy!)... This week I definitely put the focus more on the habit of any form of movement, and not putting any pressure to do much more. My groin and back are already not great so self preservation all the way to the end! 
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Week 29:
I'm labeling things wrong... I forget if I'm heading into a week or finishing a week... But to lose track even for just a second is amazing... because so much of my entire year has been consumed with fear and how the baby is doing, her chance of survival outside the womb etc. etc..... If I've lost track it means I had a mentally good week where I wasn't counting down every second. This was also the first and only week since I started the streak that I missed a day! It was the day of the Boston Marathon, my plan was to do a sleep meditation but I fell asleep before I did it. 

Lots of PAES conversations this week. Lots of reliving my own experience. Another runner that I know from social media and from briefly running for her and her husbands coaching company found out that her CECS symptoms were returning and was wondering about PAES. It is unfortunate that McGinley's research on CECS and PAES being the same root cause but different severity hasn't hit the masses yet, but hopefully it does so that unnecessary and highly invasive surgeries stop being performed. Anyway, it just so happened that my husbands company joined up with their coaching company for many events, so we chatted a bit and she headed to McGinley and got the same diagnosis I have. There's no easy path... Not even the botox... it's so much harder than McGinley makes it out to be (I will remind the clinic of this every single time... because the expectation to just get back to it after Botox is unrealistic. It's very hard even though I'm very confident it's the best path if it was financially easier to access there's NO QUESTION)

This was a great week overall in my life. I reminisced in the fact that I finished the Boston Marathon after being told by multiple doctors that I would lose my legs and never run again! I also went back and read so much of my own journey so that I could be certain I was communicating it clearly... and I'm just so damn proud of myself. It took a hell of a lot of courage to do... and I just fucking did it.... and ya know what.... I feel that way about this pregnancy too. Against the odds, I had two losses in a row... and so many forums and messages were to wait... and I just fucking did it. I just keep going. I realize the fact that I can get pregnant very easily is a contributing factor to that part of my story.... but I've been tested a lot this year and I'm pretty fricken proud of my courage to just keep going (even though I'm legitimately certifiable at times)... and then.... looking back on Matt and I's journey with the company On... tiny company he started working for when I was pregnant with Maebel.... all the sacrifices we made... and then the shoes and logo of this once tiny company stood on top of the podium at the Boston Freaking Marathon. What a ride. 

Week 30
After a lot of conversation about PAES and what I believe is the best method for return to running (bodyweight suspension)... I decided to walk on the Lever as a workout with the Peloton class running. It definitely felt good to use the lever and take some weight off... But the shorts don't fit so well... but it's something I'm excited to use postpartum. As it's gotten warmer outside I've wanted to walk more and as I walk more I have noticed an increase in leg pain. It's just hard to tell what is pregnancy, what is paes, and what is both? I don't know what normal is anymore. I did get a doctors note to not work recess duty anymore. By friday my legs hurt pretty bad... and Fridaiy was my duty day. I just can't handle still having 10 weeks to worry about my legs on top of the pregnancy. My legs are still such a massive trigger for me being a total grump. Even though it is starkly different now than before I had a solution... I don't love the idea of having to live in pain for a year after having the baby OR having to decide to stop breastfeeding in order to get treatment. The unknown is hard to swallow. But I still kept up my streak. 

Week 31
Yup... Leg pain getting in my head. The more walking I do the worse it is... so back to just short basic workouts. I really wanted to use my compression boots this week because I felt like I could keep up with more physical activities if I used them... but when I googled using them during pregnancy there was a mention of not using them with a DVT and then my thoughts started spiraling. "what if I have a DVT and I'll never know because I always have calf pain!" I recalled a couple traumatic postpartum moments  of being rushed by ambulance because of leg swelling, calf pain, and the thought that I might have a DVT... and now I"m worried I'll never know! I've done so much advocating for myself I just decided to tell the doctor I needed an ultrasound of my legs early postpartum to ensure I can decipher between PAES pain and what could be a DVT. Ruling out a DVT post partum would help me a lot. The doctor did say any vascular entrapment does increase my chances of a DVT (though still rare) so it was added to my chart that I'd been seen 2-3 weeks postpartum for an ultrasound on my legs. 

Week 32:
If it's not my calves it's my groin. Womp womp. SO sore in my groin. Not much else to report for this week in terms of PAES. But I've accepted that returning to any physical exercise is going to first require rehabbing my groin (which fortunately I have a really good idea of what needs to be done)... but no big deal since I have to wait to do to much other stuff due to calves anyway... TBD. 

Week 33: 
Because of my groin, I've put more focus into single leg exercises so all the classes I pick have a single leg element to it. Lots of curtsy lunges and deadlifts. I was solo parenting this week. It's also the week my second loss would be due. I remember Matt not loving the due date because it was the most important week of the year for his job... Not that that was more important than the baby, but I was afraid to be overly emotional while he was gone, but surprisingly it was just a relief to have these dates I've tracked behind me. Also... Getting through his big travel was good. Solo parenting, working full time, just a month before baby reaches term.... and a body that hates life... It was a lot to take on but we crushed it! 

Week 34:
As you'll see from the screenshots of what I shared on instagram... I am losing enthusiasm for tracking workouts. I'm just going through the motions. The goal is no longer to exercise (and honestly it really hasn't been for a while) but I've got my eyes on the other side of pregnancy and just having habits in place to help combat whatever depression, anxiety or weird intrusive thoughts that I've experienced in the past. Having ONE THING to anchor myself too will help. Keeping up with the streak now will help me lock into it later... So I keep going. 

Week 35: 
I've been pushing myself at work to get as much prepared for the next year as I can. I don't know what is on the other side of delivery in terms of my health.... I've got a lot going on. With my legs, and my groin I'm physically barely able to function... and even though I'm regularly in therapy... I just don't know what things will look like. The Doctor did say at this point in pregnancy if I really think I'll have bad depression they can start medication since it takes a while to kick in so it'll be in effect before Postpartum depression hits... but I just want to see what I'm dealing with first. Could be anxiety could be depression, could be that I'm in a really good place? who knows! I'm just not ready to take a medication that might alter how I experience my final baby coming into the world. I want to feel all the feels and then decide what to do. But I need to be prepared for whatever happens physically or emotionally so I have been CRUSHING myself to write as many data sheets and lessons etc. etc. for next years roster. One less things to think about.... especially since work is one of my top triggers for anxiousness. I don't need that! Best way for me to handle it is to be in front of it.... so lots of meditation in between lots of stress. 

Week 36:
Just surviving. I hit a big milestone this week though: One full year of pregnancy. Still a couple more weeks before I took that first positive test, but man oh man has it been quite the ride. Not the year I had in mind what-so-ever. A year ago I was running... really running. I had plans to get more botox, I signed up for a summer 5k training group knowing how much I needed to work on speed. Big sigh... Wild ride. I wouldn't change it... but Holy hell... I wouldn't wish it on anyone either. 

Week 37-39: 
I started having lots of contractions! Ugh! We had so much we needed to do so of course....  but baby stayed in. I did have one false alarm and ended up going to the hospital for a cervical check 2 cm dilated, 75% effaced... but once again dealing with baby's head not aligning correctly with the "exit".... Which is what happened with Maebel that I'm convinced caused the groin pain. It all checks out, makes sense why my groin is so bad. I detached myself from the internet once this started happening. I have the temptation to share and then people respond and then I'm eye-rolling and hating people even though they are not the problem... It's just a stressful time. So I committed to not sharing any more of my journey on social media (if someone comes and reads it here, they are committed! ahhhahaha) .... but in terms of workouts... it's basically just meditating and restorative yoga, and breath work to kick this baby out.... 

Anyway. This will be my last update until I have the baby. I'm 39+1... both my babies were born at 40+2, so we'll see!

Looking forward to writing my third and final birth story, my most popular posts by far... and I hope it's a boring one! haha. "Had contractions, went to hospital, got epidural, chilled out, hit 10cm, pushed baby out! She's here!"

But I doubt it..... 

Stay tuned! 

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